couple signing divorce papers

Toxic Marriage: Fight or Flight

Life is not a fairytale. Maybe it feels like you are going to live happily ever after with your partner. But the feeling change after a few weeks or months after marriage. In some people, it will change after a few years of marriage.

The signs are mostly the same.

There will be a change in your spouse’s attitude. The secrets start to reveal themselves. You will see the unexpected part of your spouse.

Some of them might surprise you.

Even though changes don’t exactly make your marriage becomes toxic (in fact, sometimes changes in a marriage will help you to become a better person), you still have to know whether you are in a toxic marriage or not.

It is because a lot of people do not realize that they are in a toxic marriage. They think it is normal to feel anxious and insecure when they are with their spouse.

The thoughts of “He/she has shown the sweet sides to make-up their mistakes.” Often leads the victim to stay in a relationship and believing for a better day afterward. Only to find themselves repeating the toxic cycle ever again.

Someone can change their spouse’s toxic behavior and make their marriage healthier. But it is hard. Thus, the victim has two options: fight or flight.

Fight or Flight

The severity of the signs will vary in each couple. In some marriages, the change in the spouse’s attitude only causes irreconcilable disputes. But in some others, it might inflict unwanted violence for the victim or the children.

Thus, to tackle those issues, the actions of each marriage will also be different.

For the one that is still bearable and less-abusive, taking family counseling will be helpful. But when it is abusive, both mentally and physically, they need to separate themselves from each other. Or else, their relationship is threatening the safety of either party.

To differentiate the actions, here are three ways to end a toxic marriage.

Family Counseling

The key to overcoming a toxic marriage together is the will from themselves. The determination of each party to solve their issue will make it easier.

When both of the involved parties settled that they need help to make their marriage better, family counseling is the right choice.

They can open up to the consultant and try to figure the way out together.

A heart to heart conversation will make the process easier and helpful. Through family counseling, they will find a new way to communicate and to relate to one another.

It will work only if the couple has a will to change themselves. But what if the conflict was too severe that it inflicts conflict of interests?

couple

Mediation

Disputes in a family are unavoidable. Most of them are because of a conflict of interests.

As time pass by, the conflict might escalate and become even worse. It becomes worse to the point that you can no longer solve it by yourself.

At some points, you will feel that your spouse is wrong, and you are always right. While on the other side, your spouse believes otherwise. That will lead to a neverending argument between both of you. The result will tire you out, and your marriage will become even more toxic.

When it happens, you will never find the way out. The situation will keep on escalating until you meet a stalemate situation.

To fight the toxicity, especially to find the end of the arguments, ask a mediator to help you.

It can be anyone that is impartial. But it will be better if you have a professional mediator to help you, especially a certified family mediator.

The third-party will help you to talk through the issues in dispute.

Compared to the court, solving issues using a mediator will be much cheaper. Mediation aims to create an agreeable settlement for both conflicting parties. Nevertheless, in some cases, mediation is not the right way to solve disputes.

Family mediation might not be the ideal way out if the dispute involves violence.

When the toxicity level is too severe and too dangerous to keep the marriage going, the final decision would be separation.

Divorce

Getting a divorce is a tough decision. It will be impacting your social status and your children’s well-being (if you have a child). But ending a toxic marriage will bring a better life for you and your kids. In particular, when it involves domestic violence.

It is going to be a long and exhausting process, both emotionally and physically. You will be attending the hearing process, debating over child custody, property dividation, etc. Even a divorce for a less-problematic couple could be very emotional.

The journey will be stressful, but it is the milestone to escape a toxic relationship.

To make the journey less stressful, you can hire a divorce lawyer to be your company. An experienced family law attorney will provide you guidance and help. The divorce lawyer will help you prepare the divorce requirements and preparations.

Walking on this journey alone will be difficult. Aside from having your divorce lawyer, reach out to your supportive relatives as well. Gaining emotional and mental support from the family will improve your strength to get through this. It is time to take a flight and leave the toxic marriage.

The decision is in the hand of every couple. Many factors prevent someone from leaving a toxic marriage, for example, children and shared finances. Thus, some of the victims are staying and fighting to make their marriage better. But some of them choose to leave and start over. It is because you never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air

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